don't limit yourself

The other day I mentioned to a friend that I was bored with my current situation. That maybe I needed to do more activities or change my routine. I've been feeling this way for months already, swimming in a pool of indecisions, complaints and just lack of motivation. Luckily, I caught myself before the spiral of negativity got bad and instead, some images of my childhood began to pop up in my head. Those images reminded me that as a kid I'd always find a way to distract and enjoy myself with simple tasks or explored the world around me without giving it a second thought. I was never the kind of kid who would get bored easily. For example, if the game at the playground got too boring, I would not complain or "vent" to my tiny friends. Instead, I would start climbing up trees so I could enjoy the view from above while eating wild cherries, even when that meant getting in trouble, or risking my life. This made me realize that I have reached that point: the point of needing to climb a tree.

Which brings me to the reason why I am writing this post today. 

It is fascinating to me how resilient and wise we were as kids. Finding new adventures seemed a lot more fun than whining or complaining about what to do next. As kids, we always lived in the present and maybe that's why we never lost that fascination for life. So why and when did we lose this super power? 

I am not the type of person that thinks "things were always better in the old days", on the contrary, the point I want to make here is that as adults we are capable of choosing what makes us happy and enjoy life at all times. We have the power and freedom to choose for ourselves. The options are limitless.

So why choose to be bored, or negative?

Every experience, positive or not runs its course. Or like the saying goes, "this too shall pass", so why murder our brains, lose sleep and time, and ruin relationships in the process, if either way we will see everything so simple and easy when we look back? 

In a way, I am glad I got bored and frustrated this time, because it allowed me to see the big picture. The picture from the top of the tree. The perspective I needed. That even in the toughest circumstances, we have a variety of options we can choose from, and that from now on, I will try my best to choose the most beneficial/happiest for myself.

Just like I did as a kid. 

writing can be scary

"Fuck it, I'll do it myself." 

Those were the words I told myself after years of trying to convince friends and co-workers to collaborate with a blog. I've always wanted to dedicate a space online to work on projects and have them chronologically displayed, so I could see my personal improvement over time. I honestly thought it was a good idea; meeting at coffee shops, talking about projects, working and laughing, sharing anecdotes, editing and posting once a week or less, if the time was limited. All seemed like a great idea to me. But to my misfortune, no-one seemed as interested as I was.  Then, years after not getting anything done, I found the reason why I've always "needed" someone to help me with this simple task. It wasn't because I never finish anything on my own and needed someone to slap me in the face to make me finish them, or extending deadlines for a very prolonged period of time that they never got done. At least, I would like to think I am committed to finishing stuff I set my mind to do. 

The real reason was and still is, that: I have always feared words and the idea of writing. Blame my 4th grade teacher here.

I can easily translate thoughts into images, or things, but words? No, sir. At least that's what I have always programed myself to believe. You see, words don't come to me as easily as for most people and every time I try to write something I look for a place to hide my head under a pillow, or myself under the bed. But that's no longer an option. At least, I am not going to let it be an option anymore. That's why I had to use such a harsh curse word (I usually don't curse) to help me get out of this stage and push me to get on the other side of this fear where I have been for many years. Or more truthfully, my entire life.

And, guess what. It worked. Here I am, writing.